Sleepy Time Tea

My roommate and I have been having a really hard time sleeping of late. Unsure of why, I turned to my go-to hippy-dippy ways to create a bedtime tea that would knock us out! After some trial and disgusting errors, we finally have a tea that works for us. Now when my roommate doesn't have it even for one night, she doesn't sleep well. It's super calming, and incredibly soothing.

I combine the following into a tea, steeped for 7-10 minutes, about 30 minutes before bed. Works like a charm!

                    Luvvie's Sleepytime Tea 

• 2 parts Chamomile - Herb   
• 3 parts Peppermint - Herb
• 2 parts Lavendar - Herb
• 2 parts Passionflower - Herb and tincture
• 1 part Valerian* - Herb 
• Spoonful of Honey 

One of the wonderful things about this is that you it's so versatile. If you don't like something about it, change the quantities, or eliminate it altogether. If you don't like the taste, add more peppermint or some stevia.

Some websites recommend adding Kava Kava or St John's Wort but be wary of the adverse effects it can have in conjunction with some medications, and various physical illnesses. Discuss with your doctor first.

In London, Ontario you can find all of these herbs and tinctures at Lyn-Dys on Oxford or at Quarter Master in Wortley. Although for price and selection, I'd recommend Quarter Master. The staff is knowledgeable and they also have a large grocery store in the back. Sidenote, they also carry beluga lentils which have been absolutely impossible to find in London in the past.

*Note - Valerian is absolutely revolting. It's disgusting. The smell, the taste, it's simply awful. I won't lie to you, even opening the canister at the store is overwhelming. That being said, it works, So use lots of peppermint and you can't taste it!

God Missed the Memo

Life. fragile. fleeting. too short.
On Friday, May 30, I got a call from my dad that ended my life as I knew it. My mom had been killed in a car accident, and my baby brother was in a coma in the hospital. I was in Edmonton, over 3000 kms from my family.

This isn't how it was supposed to be. My mom was vibrant, kind, and a pain in my butt. I suppose because we are were so alike.. we fought all the time.. she was supposed to live to be 115, with all of us going, "geez woman.. would you go already?!" and still poking her nose into our lives.

But God missed the memo.

I flew home on the red eye that night. In the process, I lost my cell phone, and a piece of luggage. I stopped at the hospital to see the baby. He was unconscious, was bruised, with all these tubes poking out of him. he'd been through so much already, I just wanted to pick him up and hold him.. but all I could do was hold his hand and cry.

He was supposed to be home with us, with my mom, making us all smile.. trying to grab the phone when mom put me on speakerphone with him, doing his signs for please and up and more, and just being a baby.

But God missed the memo.

I came home, and my house was, as usual, full.. except this time with suffering and pain. A cloud hung over the house, and everyone's faces. I went to my dad, and cried with him, holding him, telling him we'd make it through, when I myself don't know how.

Dad should have been picking me up at the airport, bringing me home to a crazy busy house with everyone going everywhere at once, my mom holding everything together. I'd walk in the door, and hug each of the kids, and mom.. and we'd talk about the flight.. and how much I don't like Air Canada compared to WestJet..

But God missed the memo.

Then came memorial plans. My dad was not exactly ready to deal with all that.. so I started making plans. I arranged for the band, for the center. for the food. for the wine. I had to talk to OPP about the accident, and make decisions about what next.

I should have been arguing with mom about borrowing the car, and who was making dinner that night. I should have been planning nights out with friends, shopping in London, dinner with the girls...

But God missed the memo.

Then we had to bury my mom. We said goodbye, and they lowered the casket. I'll never forget the sound..

I was waiting till the day I was old enough to call my mom "Ronalee" when I was exasperated.. like she does with her mom..


I was waiting for the day that we'd live in the same town and have the kind of relationship where we'd go to each others houses for coffee.

I was waiting for the day that we'd make the transition to friends, instead of the mother-daughter stress.

I was waiting for the day that I'd get married, and mom would be there to tell me that my bra strap is sticking out..


I was waiting for the day that shed spoil my kids, and then send them home to me, like my grama did with us..

I was waiting for the day we'd both be at FH, me with my kids in a trailer with hubby, and mom down the circle, waiting for her grandkids to come over for a hug.. and junk food that I don't allow before dinner.

I was waiting for the day that I could sing her my part of the song...

and I'll continue waiting...

Because God didn't get my memo...

Now I move home, and pack up my life in Edmonton, to help raise my baby brother, not as a mother mind you, but as a loving big sister. Its something that is hard, but something I want to do with all of my heart.. I now attempt to sorta step into my mothers shoes, and realize what big shoes they are. and as I do, I wonder... why?? why?? why did this happen? why to her? why to me? why to my family?


Why didn't He get the memo??
Matt asked me wasn't I excited to see where God was taking this?My answer? I wish I didn't have to see where God was taking this. I wish my mom was here. I would give anything to have her back.


I love you mom.. as for the rest of my life.. you know. Can you give Him the memo?

Strength In Weakness

Love

It's a word I hold dear and in the same turn shy away from. It has the ability to heal and the ability to destroy.

When it comes to dealing with children, love is easily given and received. They ask for nothing in return for their love. Simply the knowledge that you are there.

Family (ideally) is similar. You have an automatic pass.

Adult peers and friends are something different. Giving love is something simple. You can show through words and deeds. However receiving love, well, that's when power comes into play. If I give love, and do not receive the love of others, I can keep myself emotionally distant. I can create a safeguard around my heart that others cannot get past, thus protecting myself. Years of letting people in and having my heart slashed has made me encase it in iron armour.

I've thought I had to be strong, because being viewed as weak will give others power over me. I have come to abhor the word. When others have seen my weakness in the past, they have exploited it and ripped me apart. I do not accept help well. I have valued strength in myself, and the ability to do everything on my own.

I also felt that there was a scoreboard. That I need to make sure I'm always doing more for others than they can do for me, ensuring that if for some reason that friendship ended, it sure as heck was not because I didn't put in the effort. Or maybe because I felt unworthy of the love given, and tried to earn it. Accepting help, or kindness from others made me uncomfortable, as I felt I had to reciprocate and sometimes didn't know how.

One of the most painful (and wonderful) things about my current situation, is that I am learning to get past these thoughts and feelings. Not because I decided I was ready, not because enough time has passed, but because my friends have come at me with crowbars, and have intentionally and directly worked at prying back my armour and worming their way in. I am learning to experience love in it's true form. In a way that I had only thought possible in stories. One I had wished existed in this world. It hurts. It opens you up to emotional turbulence, where before I could just shut it out. However it's pretty amazing too. I'm also learning that at times it is okay to be weak, and be okay with showing it. It's a learning curve, and as it turns out I'm a very slow learner.

An Opportunity and A Request

Hello My Friends!

Six months ago I answered a call looking for volunteers for what I thought to be a soup kitchen, however turned out to be so much more. Instead of serving those in attendance, I was asked to join with them and become the family of whoever I was sitting with for the evening. I loved what I saw; a place that was creating connections in an age of isolation. I began to attend Sanctuary London regularly, a community within our own that caters to the poor, the lonely, and the outcast. Their mission? To love. Such a simple and yet amazing thing! Sanctuary quite literally welcomes everyone, no matter who they are, what their background is, what they wear, how they speak, or what their bank account contains. I have seen the broken welcomed with open arms with no judgement and an understanding that we are all broken, and there is only One who heals. As I became more comfortable within the community, I began developing relationships with a great many people who have impacted my life and faith in incredible ways. Over the last six months my love for this place, and the people it welcomes, has only grown.

Growing up with foster children who came from broken homes, and entered our care while hurting gave me a spirit of compassion as well as a desire to help those in pain in any way I could. Since I was young, I have felt called to work with the vulnerable and the hurting; I have been blessed with several opportunities to do so. From my work with low income day camps here in London, to my trips to Africa networking and helping within children’s homes I have been able to love those who need it the most. In more recent years I have felt unsettled about solely focusing on those across the world when we have such great need right here in Southwestern Ontario.

I have been offered an opportunity to further my work within Sanctuary and I could not be more excited about it. Spending time within this community has been a highlight of my year so far.  Everything has fallen into place to allow me to spend as much time as possible caring for and supporting those I have come to love. God’s timing is perfect, and once again I have seen Him at work in this entire endeavor. I now have the honour to start working as the only permanent female staff within our community, specifically focusing on women and children, creating life skill workshops, cooking some of the community dinners, and helping to fundraise to continue Sanctuary’s work. Words cannot describe how blessed I am to be given the opportunity to help tear down walls, and continue to work towards allowing people to experience being part of an ‘us’ instead of a ‘them’.

Many amazing services are provided at Sanctuary on a weekly basis. Sanctuary offers a community lunch and Bible study, a music drop in, a family style dinner that feeds on average 150 people weekly, an art drop in, and a church service on Sunday evenings. Every service is free to the public, and all are welcome. With continued and added support, Sanctuary will be able to not only be able to continue its current programming, but also expand its services and staff. This will enable us to reach more people, and provide even more opportunity for community.

Please keep the Sanctuary team in your prayers. Opening one’s heart and allowing oneself to become vulnerable, taking on and sharing in others’ hurts and troubles, as well as being open and willing to share your own is incredibly taxing. Constant prayers that we will keep our eyes on He who gives us strength, and that we will keep Him at the center of everything we do would be appreciated. I also ask for prayers personally, that God will be able to shine through me to show those I’m going to be working with the love of Christ. There is a line in a song I love that says ‘Break my heart for what breaks Yours’. Pray that He will continue to do so.

Beyond prayer, we also need financial support. Sanctuary operates solely off donations and fundraising, trusting God to supply for His work. The addition of myself to the staff will only be possible through the support of friends and partners like you. Your monthly investment will play a vital part ensuring that our work together will continue to reach out to the lost and lonely right here in London. Will you make that monthly investment and join with myself and our other partners to share the love of Christ in our community? If so, please click here to donate. Every donation is tax deductible, and you will receive a charitable tax receipt for any donations made. Feel free to call/ email/ text/ facebook me with any questions you may have! I would love to chat with you. 

Also, I would ask you to read a letter written by one of the phenomenal men that brought Sanctuary London into being. It can be read here. 

Regardless of your ability/desire to commit currently financially, and you live nearby, I would encourage you to visit Sanctuary for yourself. Come and see London through Sanctuary’s eyes; let the rose coloured glasses fall away. You will be shown all the gritty parts that society prefers to cover up and ignore, and suddenly you will begin to see the beauty in ‘the least of these’. I guarantee you that it is not what you are expecting. I have never experienced anything like it. You will be exposed to the most diverse, amazing, broken, healing, accepting, honest, heart wrenching, loving, and loved community I have ever come across. Join me in being the hands and feet of Jesus in this dearly loved community. 

Yours because I'm His, 
Breezey Allen
breezeyallen@hotmail.com
(226) 224-1653

Guest Post- A Request by Darryl

Dear friend of Breezey Allen,

Thank you for being an important person in our mutual friend Breezey’s life. Breezey has been deeply engaged in the Sanctuary community since we first met her at our annual Christmas party back in December. For those of you who do not know, Sanctuary seeks to be a community that particularly welcomes people who are excluded and marginalized from most other places and people groups. This often includes people who struggle with homelessness and other forms of poverty. Our goal is to find a place that we can all belong, a place to call ‘home’. Since that first meeting, Breezey has been a blessing to so many of our friends and has embraced our community as a whole. It has been so fun for us to watch her grow and find her place among us. We are thankful for who she is and for who she is helping us to become.

I believe that given the opportunity, Breezey will continue to be an even greater blessing to our community. For that reason, we have decided to invite Breezey to be part of our team in a greater capacity. We would like to offer her a paid position on our staff, which would increase her time and capacity to invest more fully into the work that we do. Unfortunately, Sanctuary does not have the funds at this time to hire Breezey outright. Therefore, as with all staff, we are dependent on friends and family like yourself who believe in the work of Sanctuary, believe in Breezey, and are led by the Holy Spirit to partner with us both prayerfully and financially in order to support this endeavor.

Breezey’s story is so exciting for me because it is so evident that God has been calling her and journeying with her through life in order to prepare her for this next step on her path. I hope her story will be as inspiring for you as it has been for me. Please pay particular attention to her heart for the hurting and broken people of our city, and prayerfully consider her request. Her request is not only for financial support, but it is an invitation for you also to engage and participate in the exciting work that God is doing in London.

Her letter is only the beginning of the story, and Breezey would absolutely love the opportunity to sit with you and talk further about her dreams and vision for working with Sanctuary. I would also be happy to share more with you about Sanctuary, and to answer any questions you may have. The work of Sanctuary is often hard and heavy. We hurt with our friends and grieve that the world is not yet the way it was intended to be. But each one of us has chosen to follow this calling on our lives and have found deep joy in knowing that this is exactly where God is best able to meet with us. If nothing else, please find a way to encourage Breezey along the way.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Darryl Reckman.

519-280-8895

darryl@sanctuarylondon.ca 

 sanctuarylondon.ca 

My Struggle- Out of Sight, Out of Mind

I feel a twinge. A subtle breaking, tearing of the heart. Like a small piece is missing. And I have no right to feel that way.

A few days ago, somebody asked me if I know who I am. I said I'm always learning about myself. Who I am changes daily, based on the people I meet and on events that occur that effect my life. Whether positively or negatively. I am not the same person I was yesterday, and I will not be the same person tomorrow that I am today. I'm in constant flux.

People are important.  Some people leave a larger mark on your life and heart than others. One such person passed away a few months ago, and he just came back to my mind. A sudden hurting, and if I'm honest about it, I have no right to mourn. I had been terrible about keeping up to date with him, and his family. I did not prioritize him properly and now he is gone. Someone who was so brilliant, wise, had such a zest for life, amazing dance moves, and made the best all-natural peanut butter I've ever tasted. And I did not acknowledge and prize him as a friend as I should have. I took it for granted that he would be there, with his peanut butter, next time I arrive in Kitale. It weighs heavy.

This is a constant struggle for me. Balancing everything and not feeling everything so personally. I have trouble accepting my failures, and accepting that some things aren't failures, just the way things happen. I know that I am a 'Out of sight, out of mind' kind of person, and as such, fail constantly to keep those I adore in my life, and to keep in touch. This primarily involves my friends in Africa. I need to be better about keeping in touch, and being more involved. However I think I avoid it because I'm ashamed of how little I can do for them, and how amazing my life is. Ugh, there is the 'us' and 'them' again. Another thing I need to work on.

But I digress. My heart aching is not for Walter. He is in a better place. He had a heart for God, and a vibrancy unmatched. It is for those he left behind. His wife, his kids, his friends, and for myself. Because I missed out on knowing an amazing person.

Take the time to reach out to someone you haven't in awhile. One day, you will be glad that you did. Remember that time is fleeting, and live today in love.

Keep dancing Walter. <3

Part 4: The Church- My Take on All Things Christian and God

**Note from the Scribbler: I have finally finished this post, and reached the end of this little series that took over a year to complete! Of course, this is only the tip of the iceberg but it was a good start and I think an essential for me personally. If you have any questions, if you disagree with anything I've said, let me know! I'm always interested in hearing from you. In the meantime, I'm going back to my regularly scheduled randomness and insanity I usually put out as part of my scribbling. If you wish to read the rest of this mini series, you can click on Part One, Part Two or Part Three.**

I can put this quite simply. Love. I think that's what it comes down to. I think the 'church' spends so much time painting God as this deity to be feared and obeyed. That He is a strict, commanding God, who demands a lot from you, that the church forgets the truth of it. That God is a God of love. He is a God of LOVE. Not of condemnation. He is one who desires a complete and unhindered relationship with those He created.

Have you ever read the Shack? In it the author describes the ideal relationship with God in the most amazing way. He describes it as a way of being. Where God is not a God of anger, fear and vengeful justice, but a God that only seeks a true and honest relationship with us. That is why we were created. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it, and then let me know what you think! I'd love to discuss it with you.

We need to stop putting our limitations on God. We need to stop using Him to justify our selfish, unkind, rude ways. We need to start embodying the love and kindness He shows towards us. We need to stop assuming we know all about He who created all.

God sets limitations on us, in the form of the 10 commandments, and other commandments so that we might know him better. So that we will not do anything to mar the intended relationship between ourselves and God, or our relationship between ourselves and others. By placing 'restrictions' on us, He also reminds us that we cannot, as humans, achieve perfection, and only through His grace, love and mercy, can we begin to mirror His image, and live in His light and warmth, reaching the end goal. Eternity with Him. 

I am not perfect. I have too many faults than I care to admit. I do try to not judge others, because I am not without sin. However I do not go around parading myself as a Christian and then doing the very things I advise against.

Today I choose to start to forgive. I will never forget, that is not even possible. But I will try to forgive. I will recognize that all of the people that hurt me were only humans, and although they like to perceive themselves as Christ-like, they, as all humans do, fall pitifully short. I will let go of the hurt, let go of the pain, and let peace back in.

Now to a question I've heard before. Do I blame God? No. That would mean that I would presume to be His judge. And to fault Him for taking my mom would be to say that I believed that this was all there was to life, and our bodies are not simply a temporary shell, holding us before we take our true form with Him, which would be completely contrary to the ultimate reason for Christianity and faith in a deity itself.

Why do I believe? I am forever growing, forever changing. As long as I breathe I will be in constant flux and a state of change. I have felt great loss, been through hardship, seen poverty, and experienced hate. However I've seen great hope, been through times of peace, experienced great joy, and great love. Everything I do is accentuated by a love that is unseen, that lives only within myself and has nothing to do with anyone around me. The knowledge that my Creator has me firmly in His sights, and enveloped in His love gives me a reason to keep on. I've felt that peace, that love. I've seen the good He can do.

That being said, I do not wish to be called a 'Christian'. Christian now has a bitter taste to it. The name of a religion that I do not care to be associated with, because it has been twisted into something very different than it was intended to be. I want to be a part of a faith. Which is not governed by the select few. It is propelled by love, and a desire to show the love that Jesus showed to us.

Finally, I would remind you that God does not fail us. Humans do. I will not shove my faith in your face, because I do not presume to suggest that I'm all knowing, and my timing is not His. To attempt to force something to blossom would only hinder His work in your life. However I would urge you, please do not allow others and their foolish hypocrisy turn you away from the possibility of something more. Be open to the possibility of closing your eyes and jumping, and the arms that catch you just might catch you by surprise. Ask yourself the question, what if there's more?