Part 4: The Church- My Take on All Things Christian and God

**Note from the Scribbler: I have finally finished this post, and reached the end of this little series that took over a year to complete! Of course, this is only the tip of the iceberg but it was a good start and I think an essential for me personally. If you have any questions, if you disagree with anything I've said, let me know! I'm always interested in hearing from you. In the meantime, I'm going back to my regularly scheduled randomness and insanity I usually put out as part of my scribbling. If you wish to read the rest of this mini series, you can click on Part One, Part Two or Part Three.**

I can put this quite simply. Love. I think that's what it comes down to. I think the 'church' spends so much time painting God as this deity to be feared and obeyed. That He is a strict, commanding God, who demands a lot from you, that the church forgets the truth of it. That God is a God of love. He is a God of LOVE. Not of condemnation. He is one who desires a complete and unhindered relationship with those He created.

Have you ever read the Shack? In it the author describes the ideal relationship with God in the most amazing way. He describes it as a way of being. Where God is not a God of anger, fear and vengeful justice, but a God that only seeks a true and honest relationship with us. That is why we were created. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it, and then let me know what you think! I'd love to discuss it with you.

We need to stop putting our limitations on God. We need to stop using Him to justify our selfish, unkind, rude ways. We need to start embodying the love and kindness He shows towards us. We need to stop assuming we know all about He who created all.

God sets limitations on us, in the form of the 10 commandments, and other commandments so that we might know him better. So that we will not do anything to mar the intended relationship between ourselves and God, or our relationship between ourselves and others. By placing 'restrictions' on us, He also reminds us that we cannot, as humans, achieve perfection, and only through His grace, love and mercy, can we begin to mirror His image, and live in His light and warmth, reaching the end goal. Eternity with Him. 

I am not perfect. I have too many faults than I care to admit. I do try to not judge others, because I am not without sin. However I do not go around parading myself as a Christian and then doing the very things I advise against.

Today I choose to start to forgive. I will never forget, that is not even possible. But I will try to forgive. I will recognize that all of the people that hurt me were only humans, and although they like to perceive themselves as Christ-like, they, as all humans do, fall pitifully short. I will let go of the hurt, let go of the pain, and let peace back in.

Now to a question I've heard before. Do I blame God? No. That would mean that I would presume to be His judge. And to fault Him for taking my mom would be to say that I believed that this was all there was to life, and our bodies are not simply a temporary shell, holding us before we take our true form with Him, which would be completely contrary to the ultimate reason for Christianity and faith in a deity itself.

Why do I believe? I am forever growing, forever changing. As long as I breathe I will be in constant flux and a state of change. I have felt great loss, been through hardship, seen poverty, and experienced hate. However I've seen great hope, been through times of peace, experienced great joy, and great love. Everything I do is accentuated by a love that is unseen, that lives only within myself and has nothing to do with anyone around me. The knowledge that my Creator has me firmly in His sights, and enveloped in His love gives me a reason to keep on. I've felt that peace, that love. I've seen the good He can do.

That being said, I do not wish to be called a 'Christian'. Christian now has a bitter taste to it. The name of a religion that I do not care to be associated with, because it has been twisted into something very different than it was intended to be. I want to be a part of a faith. Which is not governed by the select few. It is propelled by love, and a desire to show the love that Jesus showed to us.

Finally, I would remind you that God does not fail us. Humans do. I will not shove my faith in your face, because I do not presume to suggest that I'm all knowing, and my timing is not His. To attempt to force something to blossom would only hinder His work in your life. However I would urge you, please do not allow others and their foolish hypocrisy turn you away from the possibility of something more. Be open to the possibility of closing your eyes and jumping, and the arms that catch you just might catch you by surprise. Ask yourself the question, what if there's more?

My Butterball

In October of 2007, my mom called me while I was living in Edmonton and told me that was absolutely in love with the baby that CAS had placed with my family a month earlier, and wanted our home to be his forever home. Knowing that that was not even a possibility at this point, I warned her not to get her hopes up and went on with life, constantly getting the calls from my mother, gushing about this sweet little baby, and I continually reminded her that she was just going to get her heart broken.

Then I came home at Christmas and fell in love. This little boy was the chubbiest, cutest little Butterball in the world. I knew he had to be ours. Then comes the wait. The legal battle between CAS and unfit parents is a torturous one. You can never be sure of the outcome, and of course you want justice done, but the waiting is terrible. My mother's calls that simply had previously composed of gushing turned into calls where she'd turn on the speakerphone and I'd 'talk' to the baby for half an hour, or she'd leave the phone on in his room and I'd sing him to sleep.

Then we got news that the beautiful little boy could be ours. The same day of such joy turned into one of great sadness as well, as most everyone knows.  However, we had a light. A beautiful, broken little boy to tend to, to care for, to love and coddle. A little boy who quite literally saved our lives.

I was so blessed to be with Eli in his toddler years. My gorgeous little butterball and I did everything together, from beach days, where he would get covered in chocolate ice cream only to be dunked in the lake again,  to road trips to see Auntie Jenn, to all of the shopping,  where any vegetables I left beside his carseat would all have curious little tiny bite marks out of each of them- including a turnip once, to swimming lessons where I learned that this kid, who was about 16 months had no fear whatsoever in him. We went out to Edmonton together to meet the family and he had an absolute blast with his cousins he still speaks of from all those years ago. He was always such a happy little munchkin, and a light in dark times. He was a blessing and a joy.

Over the last 7 years he's kept us all smiling, laughing and given us hope. He's our bright light and greatest joy, and now he's 8! So Happy Birthday Butterball. I do now, and will always love you to infinity and beyond and even more than that, and in that regard, I will always win.